Calgary is famous for its Stampede, skyscrapers, and unpredictable weather—but that doesn’t mean we can’t laugh at life in the city! Here’s a collection of jokes, puns, and one-liners perfect for locals and visitors alike.

Funny Calgary Jokes & One-Liners

1. Why did the Calgary Stampeder bring a ladder to the rodeo?
   Because he wanted to reach the high scores!
2. How do you know someone’s from Calgary?
   Don’t worry—they’ll mention the Stampede… within the first 5 minutes.
3. Calgary weather forecast: 7 seasons in one day.
4. Why don’t Calgarians ever get lost?
   Because they’re always following the nose… of the Chinook winds.
5. What’s the official Calgary greeting?
   “Nice weather… for five minutes.”
6. Why did the cowboy cross the road in Calgary?
   To get to the Stampede grounds before the traffic.
7. Calgary: where it’s sunny, then snowy, then raining, then windy—all before lunch.
8. How do you keep a Calgarian busy?
   Ask them if they prefer winter or summer. They’ll debate for 3 hours.
9. What’s the difference between Calgary and a snow globe?
   In Calgary, the snow globe might be accurate… for an hour.
10. Calgary traffic joke:
    How many Calgarians does it take to fix a pothole?
    Just one… but only if it’s not during Stampede week.
11. Why do Calgarians love Chinooks?
    Because snow in February is more depressing than a Monday morning.
12. Calgary: the only city where your summer tan disappears faster than the winter snow.
13. How do Calgarians survive winter?
    Layers, coffee, and a healthy obsession with the Saddledome.
14. Why did the Calgary Flames fan cross the street?
    To get away from the Oilers fans… safely.
15. What do you call a Calgary summer day?
    A beautiful window between two snowstorms.